沪江

【雅思作文】同题PK第三弹!4P混战!

俞伟国 2008-02-18 11:22
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为了提高效率,本轮直接让剩下4名参赛选手直接集体PK,简称4P.......
选手介绍:
5号: Purunmin, 用繁体字打字的选手,难道是来自台湾或香港的同胞?
6号: Angeline 番禺路基础班一高中MM,自称牛牛老师的狂热粉丝,简称“牛粉”( 或“牛粪”? :-) 此人胆大包天,今天上课竟敢用东西K我!成为新东方史上上课袭击老师的第一人。
7号:小莺 全名周倩莺,同样来自番禺路基础班,91年出生的上戏附中高二MM,自称“牛粪”,但据我观察应该同时也是我的“俞丸”,征友中,凡是“牛粪”或“俞丸”可以加她为好友(具体联系地址请在本博客评论里找)
8号: 张寅驰 来自于武东路基础班的男选手,高中生。

接下来,4人PK正式开始:

第一句: 如今,老年人日益增多的现象已经引起了人们的广泛关注。

5号的翻译: Currently, the phenomenon that there are increasing senior citizens has aroused the public concern widely.
(无懈可击,用词也很地道。这句给3分!)

6号的翻译: Nowadays,the fact that more and more senior citizens has aroused the public concern.
(一 上来第一句话就错了,这句话主语是the fact,谓语是arouse,宾语是public concern,fact后面跟同位语从句,而6号的翻译fact后面跟的that more and more senior citizens是一个从句吗?这是很多同学写雅思作文的时候会出现的一种典型病句,即使用同位语从句的时候名词后面跟的不是从句而是名词。这句给0 分!)

7号的翻译: Nowadays,the phenomenon of growing numbers of senior citizens has caught everyone's attention.
(正确!不过翻译地没有5号地道,给2分!)

8号的翻译: Nowadays,the fact that there are more and more old people has aroused the public concern
(正确,不过more and more 和 old people这两个词用得稍微有点俗......给1分!)

第二句: 有人认为人口的老龄化是否会给社会带来负面的影响仍未可知

5号的翻译: Someone think it still unclear whether the agedness of population can bring negative effects to society.
(只有1个小问题,can改成will或would更符合这个句子所要表达的意思。2分)

6号的翻译: Some people considered that it is unknown whether the aging of population bring the nagative effect.
(时态混乱!主句的谓语动词consider用一般过去时,宾语从句用的又是一般现在时......0分)

7号的翻译: Some people think it's still unknown if the aging of the population will bring negative effects to the society.
(完全正确!3分)

8 号的翻译: Somebody think that it is still a mystery whether the population's getting older will take the negetive influence to the society.
(一个问题-somebody是表示“某一个人”的意思吧?1分)

第三句: 也有人认为这个现象带来的只会是一大堆问题。

5号的翻译: While some other ones believe that this phenomenon will bring only more and more problem.
(又出现了很多考生常常出现的一个“经典小错误”-可数名词的单复数问题!这里的problem应该用复数的吧?2分)

6号的翻译: There are also believed that the phenomenon can only take a great deal of problems.
(有there are believed这样一种句型存在吗?还有take是“带走”的意思而不是“带来”哦!0分)

7号的翻译: There are also some people think this phenomenon can only bring a large number of problems.

(这 句话太经典啦!-经典的错误......There are also some people后面可以直接跟动词原型think吗?是不是应该把think改成分词thinking呢?记住there be句型there + be + 主语 后面不能直接跟动词,只能跟定语从句或分词的结构。1分)

8号的翻译: It's believed by the others that all this phenomenon will bring is just a wealth of troubles.
(终于等到有人意识我出这个句子的意图啦!-是为了帮大家巩固语法课第一单元学的all引导的名词性从句嘛!显然这个句子8号的翻译是最好的!再次提醒:以后看到"......只会......"不要再只会想到only,just啦!3分)


第四句: 从我的观点来看,我认为有必要首先对这个现象可能造成的影响进行分析。

5号的翻译: In my opinion, I deem it necessary that analyze the possible influence firstly which the phenomenon will cause.
(很可惜,出现了又一个典型错误!I deem it necessary后面跟that引导的从句,请问从句有that后面直接跟动词原型的吗?
这里如果在analyze前面加一个we从语法结构上来说就对了。0分)

6号的翻译: In my opinion,I deem that it is necessary to anayse the effect which will be caused at first.
(一个小错误,analyze拼错。2分)

7号的翻译: In my opinion,I think it's necessary to analyse the ifluence that may caused by this phenomenon at first.
(一个小错误,情态动词may后面怎么可能跟过去分词caused呢?应该加一个be吧!1分)

8号的翻译: However, in my view, I think firstly it is essential to analyse the effect which this situation will cause.
(完全正确!3分)

最终得分统计:
5号 Purumin 7分
6号 Angeline 2分
7号 小莺 7分
8号 张寅驰 8分

恭喜张同学代表武东路校区胜出,并将和前两轮的获胜者Charles和戚同学角逐本届同题PK的最终冠军。向着诱人的KFC继续前进吧!


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