范例18.1 提要
申请者概况
女性，二十七八岁。工作好几年，全自费去美国读MBA
拒签理由
自费的金钱问题以及移民倾向
申诉重点
解释自己在美国公司工作的背景清洗自己的专业资格和金钱来源这个两个主要问题解释爸爸为美国公司工作的专家和身份问题同样也是清洗自己的赴美学习目的，是为了更高层次的追求，而不是其它去美国读书，是有钱的中国家庭为了子女前途的一个传统进一步加强自己“自费”留学的可信度
范例18.3 翻译
尊敬的签证官：
我去美国读一个MBA的梦想被粉碎了三次,因为我的学生签证被你们的签证官拒绝了三次.我理解签证官有责任把不合格的人阻挡在美国门外,但是,对于我的拒绝是完全不合理也不公平的,因为我确实有一个非常好的赴美学习计划以及学成归国的安排,回到这个我目前已经成功得令我自己甚感自豪的地方.我想借此机会向您表白对我的拒签为什么是不合理的.
1. 为一家美国公司工作----马勒中央空调公司的中国企业-----作为其市场部主任的首席助理已经两年,我不仅获得了了不起的美国风格的市场和销售经验,而且还积聚了足够的金钱来投资于我对于前途的追求:也就是得到一个美国的MBA.金钱对于我不是一个难题,但一个MBA对于我在中国今后的前途却非常重要.是这个来自美国的公司给了我强大的商业经验和足够的经济报酬,一个来自美国的MBA学位当然是我非常成功的事业之上一个水到渠成的勋章(Decoration).我将极其感激如果你给我一个机会去实现这个我的梦想,这个我在金钱上能够承受,在职业上也很够格的美梦.
2. 我的爸爸,一个全国有名的空调领域的专家,以及我去美国读书的资助人之一,是美国马勒空调公司,这个美国最大、世界排前的工业空调公司的中国合资企业的总裁.我爸爸还是另外一个美国公司,北京空调技术公司在中国的生意的总经理.过去的几年,在他经过批准从国有大型企业的高级职位上提前退休之后,为这些美国公司工作,赚了很多钱.有其父必有其女.我的爸爸没有受过美国教育都能做到今天这样成功,一旦我得到美国的MBA之后,成就应该就更不可限量.请不要以拒绝我的签证来拒绝我的前程.我的爸爸是一个活的榜样证明我会回到中国!认为我会留在美国不归,是对于我独特的情况的忽视:我自己已经为一个美国公司工作了将近三年,而我的父亲正在经营着两个来自美国的公司.
3. 每个人都知道MBA在美国不好找工作,除了排名前二十的名校外.我要去的怀俄明大学的MBA排名第七十.然而,由于中国的经济形势,一个美国MBA学位对于中国的年轻人却是一把金钥匙.当然,中国再发达,也总是会有人希望移民美国,但是,这样的人再多,也不属于我们.因为,考虑到我自己在中国社会里的强劲成功以及我父亲的了不起的成就,你会相信我是属于那种一定要回国的人,我将投入二十一世纪伟大的中国淘金热中.
根据上面的信息,我衷心地希望你能重新考虑我的申请并给我一个学生签证.我欣赏你们的工作,拒绝不合格的人入境但也让合格的人去美国学习.对于中国有层次的家庭来说,让他们的孩子去美国接受深造,是一个伟大的传统.我的申请只是这个传统的一个小小的实践.
非常感谢你重新考虑我的申请!
忠诚的.
范例18.2 原文
Dear Visa Officer ,
My dream for an American MBA degree was shattered three times when my application for a student visa was rejected three times by your visa officers. I believe that the refusals are not reasonable because I have a solid plan for my study in the United States and return to China to develop my future, where I am making a great living at this present. Please allow me to show why your rejection to my visa is unfair to me:
1. Having worked for an American company, Mellon Central Air Conditioning Co. of its China venture for more than two years as the first marketing assistant to the Director of Marketing Department, I have not only achieved great experience in American style marketing and sales, but also accumulated enough money to be invested into a valued American MBA. Money is not a problem for me but an MBA is critical to my better life in China a few years later. It is this company from the United States who has given me strong experience of business and sufficient financial rewards, an MBA from an American school is a logical decoration to my already fulfilling career. I would be very much appreciate it if you grant me a visa to realize this dream of mine, a dream I can financially afford, professionally deserve.
2.My father, a national famous expert in power industry as well as the co-sponsor for my American MBA project, is the president of the Chinese joint-venture of Mellon Central Air Conditioning Co. of America, the world leader in cooling system industry and the largest in the United States of its business. My father is also the general manager of another American company’s Chinese operation, Beijing Air Conditioning Tech. Co., Ltd. He has made a good fortune during the last few years working in these American companies after he was granted an early retirement from his senior positions at some major state-owned corporations. Like father, Like daughter. If my father can be this big even without an American education, what could I possibly achieve after I receive my MBA degree from the United States? Please do not deny my great future in China by denying me the student visa to my American MBA. My father is the living example as why I will return to China! Accusing me has the intention to stay in your country is the ignorance to my unique situation in which I have been working for this American company for about three years and my father is leading the operations of two companies from the United States!
3. Everybody knows that MBAs in the United States can not find a job, except for those from top twenty schools. The University of Wyoming is ranked number 70 for its MBA program. However, an American MBA degree is the golden key in China to young people’s future because of China’s economic situation where hundreds of thousands of MBAs are urgently needed. Taking into consideration to my strong credential as well as to my father’s great success in Chinese society you will believe that I am among those who would definitely return to China for the great China gold rush in the next century!
On basis of my previous argument, I sincerely hope that you will reconsider my application and grant me the student visa. I appreciate your job duty to prevent bad people from coming to the United States as well as to allow the eligible person coming to your country for American education. It has been the great tradition for well-off Chinese families to send their children to the United States for American education. My application is only one of the exercises of this tradition.
Thank you very much for your reconsideration.
Sincerely,
范例18.4 分析
这封申诉信是我在九七年的夏天为一个学生而写。一年之后来分析，发现此信有一个缺点。现在我来分析这个缺点，希望读者仔细领会，从而在你们自己写作申诉信时，避免类似的不足。
这个不足是：在申诉信的第三段，没有紧紧扣住美国签证哲学的“具体”原则进行论战。本信的第三段，在做结论和最需要力量地方，对于这个申请者为什么一定要回国的理由写得不是具体，因为不具体，就缺少应有的掷地有力的铿锵作响的逻辑力量。象读者在本书其他章节所读到的那样。（“具体”就是事实加细节。请参阅本书第二部分关于“具体”原则的论述）
为便于分析，我现在把第三段的原文复制在这里，然后再写一段新的符合美国签证哲学的文字，让读者比较两者的不同，从而学会为自己写作（最好是先阅读后面申诉信全文，然后再回过来阅读本文）：
原文：“每个人都知道MBA在美国不好找工作，除了排名前二十的名校外。我要去的WM大学的MBA排名第七十。然而，由于中国的经济形势，一个美国MBA学位对于中国的年轻人却是一把金钥匙。当然，中国再发达，也总是会有人希望移民美国，但是，这样的人再多，也不属于我们。因为，考虑到我自己在中国社会里的强劲成功以及我父亲的了不起的成就，你会相信我是属于那种一定要回国人们，投入二十一世纪伟大的中国淘金热”。
这里只是用“MBA在美国没有前途”这个普遍的道理，来证明我会回来。却没有从“我”这个人（我的教育、事业、家庭等）为什么却一定要回来。因为，在美国毕业后找不到工作依然滞留在那里混的人多了，而美国的吸引力往往不止一份对口的工作。所以，这个证明是无力的。有力的证明，应该是我回到国内将有什么了不起的前途所以我一定会非常激动地回来。
所以，上面的文字的错误是不“具体化”，没有个人的特定的信息和细节，所以不能建立一个必然回国的逻辑模式。同时，不知不觉还有一个错误。即原文在用一个消极的现实证明一个积极的选择：因为MBA在美国没有前途，所以我一定会回国。好象随时准备从美国逃难回来一样。失败不能掩盖失败。所以也是缺少更强的力量的。
在分析了“不具体”和“不积极”这两个问题之后，让我们按照美国签证哲学，即按照“具体”的原则，把这一段重写一遍：
（在前面两段证明自己的美国公司工作经历和爸爸的经济能力之后）
“工业空调和冷却系统是动辄几百万美元的大规模的交易。作为国内有名的空调专家的女儿加上过去几年在美国空调公司的工作经历，我的美国MBA学历将使我回国之后在这个领域里如虎添翼。中国的市场太大了！但是，中国这方面的专家却不多；而懂得中国市场，又拥有美国公司空调企业管理经验的人就更少了；而在这一切之上还拥有一个美国的MBA学历的人，一定属于是凤毛麟角，身价百倍！我的爸爸没有留美经历，已有第一流的美国公司追求他工作；等我拿到美国的这个MBA，我相信意欲进军美国市场的那些美国空调公司之间，将会发生一场人才争夺战！就为了这个辉煌的前景，我还没有去呢，已经想着必然在中国国内等待着我的那些六位数的JOB OFFER了”。
(Industrial air conditioning and cooling is big business which is easily involved in multimillion dollar deals. As the daughter of China’s leading expert in this field, and with my own experience in some American companies in this business, my American MBA will fly me to the top of the business back in Chinese market. China is really a massive market! But the experienced people are in bad shortage. It has a even worse shortage for those who not only knows about the technology but also understands American way of doing business. And it must be a really rare combination for a person who has an American MBA on top of all the above mentioned qualifications and this person must be really EXPENSIVE to acquire! Without American experience, my father has been sought after by those US companies. When I receive my American MBA, I guess there must be a bidding war for me between those who are planning to enter Chinese market! This is a brilliant future in that I will be guaranteed a six figure salary and for that I have started longing even without leaving China yet!)
这样写，自信，具体，用特定的事实和细节说话，创造了一个典型环境下典型的性格，要比原稿强大得多，可信得多。灵活运用美国签证哲学，一定无往而不胜。
