沪江

四六级冲刺之段落翻译大比拼优秀作品赏析

2014-05-09 11:21
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4月21日-5月5日期间,沪江部落四六级备考小组特别举办了四六级60天冲刺:段落翻译大比拼活动(点击查看活动回顾>>),帮助广大考生更快地熟悉四六级翻译题型,目前活动已顺利结束,一起来欣赏沪友们的优秀翻译作品和沪江网校提供的参考译文吧!

 四级翻译段落:

北京烤鸭(Peking duck)是北京最受欢迎的菜肴之一。北京烤鸭的起源可以追溯到大约600年前的明朝。那时候,来自中国各地的厨师前往北京为皇帝下厨。直到清朝统治期间,北京烤鸭才在社会的不同阶层得到享用。一整只烤鸭会被放在餐桌上,服务员会把它片成薄片儿。做北京烤鸭的方法是先把宰杀过的鸭子放入开水中浸泡,然后挂在烤箱里烤上好几小时。最终吃法是配上酱汁和饼皮。

优秀四级翻译作品一:

沪友ID:kyra_

Peking duck is one of the most welcomed dishes in Beijing. Its origin can be dated back to 600 years ago, merely Ming dynasty. At that time chefs from various parts of our country would go to Beijing and cook for the emperor. The Peking duck began to be enjoyed in different classes still the Qing dynasty. A whole roasted duck would be set on the table and then be sliced. The way of cooking Peking duck is to soak the killed duck in boiled water firstly and then roast it for several hours hanging in the oven. And you can eat it with sauce and crust.

评分:12分

点评:译文总体很流畅,语句中的语法运用较为准确,单词量也比较丰富。不过第二句中的merely这个词运用不是很妥当,可以再替换一下。

优秀四级翻译作品二:

沪友ID:EnigmaJJ

Peking duck is one of the most popular cuisines in Beijing. The origin of Peking duck can be traced back to approximate 600 years ago in the Ming Dynasty. At that time, chefs from all over the China went to Beijing to cook for the Emperor. Peking duck was not enjoyed in the different social strata until the time under the Qing Dynasty. A whole duck will be put on the dining table and cut into thin slices by the attendant. The way of cooking Peking duck is soaking the slaughtered duck in the boiled water followed by hanging it in the oven to bake for hours. Finally it can be eaten with sauce and crusts.

评分:12分

点评:译文总体上没有太大的语言错误,原文中的核心意思基本上都翻译出来了。只是有个别的单词用的不够地道。请注意译文中重点标注的词句,比如social strata建议改为social class,under the Qing Dynasty建议补充为under the rule of Qing Dynasty,另外The way of cooking Peking duck…to bake for hours,这句话的句型建议修改一下,两个步骤用在一句话里面层次不是很明显。

 六级翻译段落:

中国的电子商务市场以平均71%的比例增长。许多人通过互联网购买日常所需(necessaries)的一切,甚至有人连婚礼所需的一切也是从网上购买。一位女士说:“我发现,通过网上购物和送货上门,我远离了开车、人群、噪音等等,而且通常我能得到更好的选择。” 不过,物流是电子商务发展的障碍,一家电子商务公司正在和中国的物流公司合作,改进全国范围的基础设施(infrastructure)建设和物流网络。

优秀六级翻译作品一:

沪友ID:周闻

China's e-business market has been increasing at an average rate of 71%. It is surely not a surprising thing that many people are now buying all their daily necessaries through the Internet. There's even some one who bought everything needed for wedding ceremony online. A lady once made such comment, "I'v find that online shopping and home delivery service have get me free from those fussy troubles, such as long-distance driving to the markets, crowds of people and annoying noises. What's more, online shopping provides me with the chance to choose better products." However, logistics barricades the e-business growth. An e-business company is now establishing cooperation relationships with logistics companies from China, aiming to upgrade the infrastructure and logistics net-work throughout the country.

评分:14分

点评:译文地道流畅,用词准确,句型都比较高级,是一篇上好的译文。唯一的不足是文中标注部分动词时态拼写错误,I'v find应该改为I've found。

优秀六级翻译作品二:

沪友ID:step☆

The average increase of Chinese electronically commercial market is 71%. Many people buy all the necessaries through the Internet, even the wedding articles. One lady said: "I found that, through online shopping and delivery, I could keep away from the traffic, crowd, noise and so on. Furthermore, I usually could have much better choices." However, logistics is a obstacle to e-commerce development. Now an electronic business company is cooperating with a Chinese logistics company in order to improve nationwide infrastructure and logistics network.

评分:12分

点评:总体来说,译文的词汇和语法都没什么问题,也很连贯。不过,文中用词还可以更高级一点,会增加整体得分哦。另外,文中部分词语还不是特别地道,比如wedding articles可以考虑换个词。

沪江网校参考译文:

四级:

Peking duck is one of the most popular dishes in Beijing. The origin of the Peking duck dates back to the Ming Dynasty, about 600 years ago. Cooks from all over China traveled to Beijing to cook for the Emperor. Until the rule of the Qing Dynasty, the Peking duck became widely appreciated among different classes. The whole roasted duck is kept on the dining table where the restaurant staff slices it thinly. The method of making Peking duck is firstly soaked the slaughtered duck in boiling water and then hung it in an oven for many hours. It is finally served with a choice of sauces or traditional pancakes.

六级:

China’s ecommerce market has grown at an average rate of 71% percent. Many people used the Internet to buy necessaries, even buy everything they needed for their weddings. A woman said that, "I find that, by being able to go online and choose the things that I need to choose, and have them delivered to me right at my doorstep, I eliminate all the driving, all the crowds, all the noise of that, and I usually get a better selection." However, logistics pose a major obstacle to e-commerce development, and an ecommerce company is now working with Chinese logistics firms to improve nationwide infrastructure and delivery networks. 

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